Scoop
So apparently the whole fiasco (now that I finally have a clear answer as to reason why) of DCS is cold feet. He feared (fears) becoming like his parents - divorced. And in an effort to prevent that broke up with me. The idea of being with no one definitely prevents divorce.
So right before I was to leave to come home for the holidays, DCS calls and asks to see me while I was there.
“Sure,” says I, “love to catch up, grab a cup of coffee, you know.”
“No, I want to see you for more than a catch up like old friends,” says he.
“I don’t want to see you unless it is the beginning of us back together, because frankly, I don’t want to have my hopes up just to be dashed and heartbroken again.”
“The reason I want to see you is just that, to get back together.”
“I’ll be at my mother’s house, feel free to come calling.”
For the two weeks before the cruise, he did come calling. It wasn’t all roses and candlelight, but it was nice. There were some terrible lows in there, but some hopeful highs as well. Then before the cruise he asked me to come back after the cruise to him and us, and our place in Jax.
While on the cruise he emailed me everyday (in an effort to solidify my coming back to him.) And when I returned from the cruise he showed up that very night and I let him whisk me back to our place.
Then a week of contact time. Again, not all roses and candlelight, but favorably positive. In fact, positive enough to ignite that light of hope in my stomach again. Future and marriage were brought back up by him, as well as the DC fellowship and plans. He knows that he has effed up tremendously, and hurt me even more. He has apologized for that and said he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me. He says he loves me, and I hope he does, because I love him.
He got a ticket to come down in a few weeks to Armpit Island and I am looking forward to seeing him. Then I go back stateside for my girlfriend’s wedding and will stay to see him. Then hopefully return soon after that…permanently.
Speaking of that permanence…I reminded him that I wouldn’t be living with a man that I wasn’t minimally engaged to, and that I would be moving back to him or to my mother’s house. At the end of this chapter, I will be moving on one way or the other. I really hope it is with him. He takes it as an ultimatum, instead of the honest acceptance that I have a limit for pain and hurt and heartbreak in my life. I wish he would see it just as that. I hope he can see that I have stood by him longer than most women would and I hope that counts for something.
copyright Kc @ 3:15 PM
1 Comments:
That counts for quite a lot KC. But patience is one thing, martyrdom is another. Lots of people have 'cold feet'. They either have a fuller explanation or they move on. It's that difficult inbetween stage that often proves the most troublesome (ie. 'I can't quit you...').
Many people have divorced parents. They do not use this as a crutch to demonstrate their careless cruelty or indifference to those they claim to love. What I think is that Love's labors are lost on this character. He still seems very much like a scared little boy, and that bodes ill for almost any venture, private or professional. If he's still 'discovering' himself or is uncertain of who or what he should be about or how he should feel after all this drama, I think most people would rightly conclude that he's a poor risk.
Still I imagine on the market he'd be considered a fine 'fixer-upper', with some great qualities and features. With plenty of love, attention and hard work he might prove to be serviceable after some strenuous efforts at re-hab. That's the promise you keep in your heart. But so far this seems like too much of a one way street. He has to come to realize that sometime, or you're going to be exhausted all too soon.
This goes way beyond 'roses & candle light', if he does not know now that he wants to be with you for the reasons that you once shared in common, again this is not a good sign. More 'deadlines' for him to fail to truly consider will not change that fundamental assessment.
But communication should be the key here. It's the very least he can do to demonstrate his intent. Again, it's not all that difficult, and it's not 'rocket science'. He should know that it's either the devil you know (DCS) or the deep blue sea (meaning other fish). And yeah, if there's not much 'roses & candlelight' romancing now, there probably won't be much in 10-20 years with him down the road. This IS the time for all that nice wooing stuff. It does not have to be fancy, or expensive, but it should be loving, impressive, heartfelt, constant, unconcious, and focused on only you. Again if he can't get his act together soon on this score, tell him that he'll long regret you'll be the 'one that got away'. IMHO!
So what does Momma say about him?
Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
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