It is too early for a meltdown

Welcome back to my rollercoaster world. I had hoped, really believed that I would get to leave that world this year, but instead the coaster is full throttle all ready.

Roller Coaster #1

1. "Baby, I won't see these certain women that you have concerns about until you are home with me and we can see them together." "Thanks DCS, I really appreciate the maturity of this and look forward to knowing these women so that I can see that they aren't a threat." INSERT A WEEK OF Kc ABSENCE BACK TO ARMPIT ISLAND "But I didn't know Stacy was coming to the circus too, what, should I not go?"

2. No calls since circus
3. Says he's sick
4. Stacy's away message says she is spending the evening in Jax (which is 2 hrs from where she lives and where DCS does in fact live)

I know that he is sick. I know that she could be visiting someone else. I also know that I could be freaking out for nothing. or everything.

Roller Coaster #2
Roommate, after not talking to me for a month and half (and no reason why), tells me today that she is moving out. In 10 days. So I am stuck in a lurch for rent (which my part will more than double) for the next few months. Did I mention that my professor cut my pay because the project money is out?

I am a sucker for roommates that will live with me until their ship (read:man) comes in. This is the second roommate in a row that has left as soon as mancake started footing the bill.

I need a mancake to foot my bill....

Roller Coaster #3
Conversation with professor about thesis writing timeline. "That is ambitious." "Well, sir, I like to think I am an ambitious girl." "That you are, and crazy. Good luck with that schedule."



I am so OVER freaking emotional bullshit rollercoaster. I want off so badly. And I just don't know how to get off. I want the hell out of Puerto Rico (where I have learned more about people than marine science. And not positively about people, but VERY negative things.) I want to go home to my cat. I want to live with my DCS, who is more like the DCS when I am around than the DCS when I am not around. I want to scream and rant and cry. I am so tired of holding everything in, trying to maintain an inner zen. I want out of here. I want out of the people that seem to surround me. I want friends that treat me the way I treat them. I want DCS to love and cherish me the way I do him. I want to be important to people, valued. I am so tired of being stand in best friend, ace girl while they are low. I am tired of putting out super friend actions and receiving half assed back.

I want out of all of this mess, and I don't know how.