The BIG weekend with DCS

Last weekend was the full contact time with DCS. I drove from southwest Florida Thursday night to my mom's and then met up with DCS after he got out of work Friday evening. It was a weekend of a lot of hugging and holding, crying and laughing, happiness and disappointment, but feeling hopeful at the end.

Friday night we did a retro date, like we use to do when we first got together. Chinese takeout under the stars (ok clouds) on the beach. Nice. Very nice. Then the next day we walked around downtown and he showed me where he works now and the places we have been looking at for an apartment. He wanted me to see the area and to have input on the house decision since that is the direction we are headed again. We looked at the model and available apartment in one and the outside of two more. I love them. One is night next to the public library and the other two are a block away, and there is a great park nearby. He mentioned that work was close enough to walk to, or to walk home for lunch with me. The apartments that we looked at have great windows and are really edgy and modern, but retaining a wonderful old Florida feel through the windows and architectural design. Then we went to the beach again for lunch, a nap and then dinner at a great restaurant on the IntraCoastal. Movie rental and quiet evening.

Sunday was a trip down to St. Augustine to galleries to talk about the type of art we wanted in the house (thank goodness there are so many windows that it isn't too much space to fill) and then lunch at a place we always looked at.

It sounds like things are great, huh? but all the good parts and future planning again feel very iffy to me. I want so much to see it happen, but part of me thinks it is a castle in the clouds type thing.

All the wedding stuff for his sister's wedding was out in the house, and there was a couple planning their wedding reception at lunch yesterday, and the tears just come. No stopping them.
Yesterday ended with a talk in the park before my flight. I told him that I would be deciding one way or the other in three weeks when I return from DC to the Caribbean (not in an ultimatum manner or pressuring or deadline, just in a "you should know what I am thinking" manner.) And I gave him back the engagement ring (which was my grandmother's wedding band) and told him that he could make good on it or to drop it (insured) back in the mail to my mother.

I hate feeling so powerless, so waiting for him, but that is all I can do. Let him know that I love him and believe in him, us. Assure him that I do. Work on forgiving him for hurting me and wait.

Wait for a while more, anyway.