Month in - Report
So I have been "home" for about a month now. The ease of relationship hasn't appeared. In fact, I don't understand - she loves him, he loves her; but it just isn't working somehow. I hate that I can't even detail what is wrong to address solutions, and neither can he, it seems. I hate that our relationship has become the proverbial elephant in the room. I don't know what to do. I am so tired of being unhappy. Tired of everything else in my life being fine, and the part I want most to be great - being the worst.
If I stay, I am unhappy. If I leave, I am unhappy. There is no winning.
If you say that I will get over it sooner if I leave sooner, and this happens to everyone, I will reach through the screen and rip your carotid artery from your neck with my bare teeth.
The whole play house until it is real again isn't working and I want it to work, he wants it to work, it just isn't. And I don't know what to do.
I am so scared. Scared of losing him. Scared of losing myself.
copyright Kc @ 3:11 PM
2 Comments:
At the risk of Vampirella coming after me KC, I'd suggest going back and reading some of the first comments I made on the matter. Sometimes it just does not work. The parts don't come together as planned. The experiment does not prove out. The hypothesis remains unproved. The expenditure of more energy into the system does not seem like it'll improve matters.
I think again here time is your friend. You've got work to do 'away' from home, possibly in DC. That ought to tell you something in the months hence. Perhaps you both need time and need some growth to get to where you think you need to be. Perhaps one or both of you will never get there. But all this is valuable knowledge to gain *before* doing anything permanent.
Perhaps you have unrealistic expectations for what such a relationship feels or looks like, although I doubt this. He may (rightly) feel guilty for all his rampant idiocy, and feel like you'll never learn to forgive him. You may harbor the very realistic expectations that he may be prone to such errors in the future. More communication is probably key here to figure out what's going on in his mind, and if it meshes with what you expect from him as a BF. It's been awhile since you were together, perhaps you're both still unfamiliar with the new situation between you. In any case a month may not tell you much, if as you both hope (and fear) do indeed love one another. Sometimes love is not enough. That hurts, Big time, but it's a valuable lesson to learn while still young and unmarried & w/o kids. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'
Some good suggestions there from Chel. They might work, but I'd certainly keep your flame alive in the meantime. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'
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