One week down, two to go
So this weekend DCS went to Atlanta to visit with the fam. And of course fam = him not calling me. Even during the best of times it was that way. He doesn't seem to get that it hurts me when he blatantly ignores me for them. He doesn't want to have to choose between us, and that isn't a choice I am requiring, but when he ignores me for them, it feels like he is choosing them over me. He has no idea of words versus actions. He says I am the most important and he loves me, etc. Actions say other things (they say that too.)
He is king of mixed signals. One week down, two to go. No change in status. Anyone care to take bets that he will try to push the envelope? call my bluff? See how far he can roll over me? I hate that it feels like he is doing that. Two freaking measly weeks to decide if it is game on or off. And I get no part of that decision, no power to aid my own campaign, no ability to make what I want, happen.
I live in this world of not getting enough oxygen in my shortened breaths. Not enough sleep in my sleepless nights.
I love him so much, but he drives me crazy.
I have this vision, this dream, where he shows up here in DC, unexpectedly, a surprise. An apology, a flurry of "I love yous" and "what a fool I've been" and "Forgive me" and "thank goodness you have such strong love and faith and belief in us." Then a beautiful night out in the big city ending with a reproposal. Or an afternoon river trip to Mt Vernon and doing it there. Romance, adoration, commitment, respect, love. (sigh)
I live in a parallel universe called "ideal" in my head.
copyright Kc @ 3:46 PM
1 Comments:
Glad to see we have more than an audience of one for this drama. I say he's a chump. Worse still if he knows about the 'bump'. But I suspect the fecal matter will hit the oscillating wind generator when that's revealed. It's never a good scene unless the guy's a total prince about it all. Very rare that.
We already know that you're 'too good for him' in that classical mismatched sort of way. You're hoping against hope that he'll do the 'right thing', and I'm thinking he'll just punt or delay the game. If he was honest about all that, that would be one thing. He could 'cut you lose' or tell you in all seriousness, 'wait until next year'. A real engagement, real time limits etc. I fear that you'll have to use what you've got within you to force his hand, and that's usually not pretty, especially if the family is ambivalent.
So I wish you the best of luck, and I'd hope you'd be in a better position & place by now. We're all romantics at heart and we want these stories to have happy endings. Like in the books and movies. But most times fantasy just never meets up with reality, which is why so many people fall in love with the dreams of all the possible wonders of the future, and not the most likely paths that might be in the offing. I guess this is one of the reason babies continue to be born. This eternal promise of hope for a new beginning. I know you deserve it, and we both can wish it for you. It does not make it any more likely though.
Cheers & Good Luck K! 'VJ'
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