What Happens When Your "Real Life" Isn't?

So, I can't eat. Today is day 4 without food. I am following the orders of my ace girl, Canada, and am drinking my Nalgene like a fiend. But sometimes I can't even keep that down. That isn't what I signed on to say, but it is curious how my body doesn't even seem to need food. Cooking smells elicit no grumbles, not a lot of shakiness, no cravings or anything. It is like the empty vacitude of my heart extend to all organs. My heart is empty, and my stomach has sympathy pains. Trying to fill my heart with anything else other than my one desire is as impossible as filling my stomach. Random.

I wanted to comment of the loss of "real life." Since moving to PR for grad school, I have always had two lives - school and my real life. My real life was my boyfriend, then fiance, our apartment, our plans for the future when that stepping stone of school was dealt with. Now without that keystone of my real life, my real life falls down, broken. I have nothing to keep me buoyed up in PR, no prize to keep my eyes on, nothing to return to, no light at the end of the tunnel of my Puerto Rican exile.

So what is my real life now? I can't say that I like my PR life enough to deem it my real life. I guess that is what DCS titled it when he stole my actual real life from me. So what is my real life, now?

How can explain personal pain? - Violent Femmes