Smurple

It is funny how in this "enlightened" time, we all know intellectually what to do, how to act, what to value. We all say things like "I am worth more than that." "I deserve better." "No one should ever treat me like that or make me feel that way." But you know then comes that crappy emotional side which is the wallowing "that girl." I am amazed and horrified that I have somehow cultured within myself, "that girl." (that being said, I also know that I can't expunge her quite yet.)

"That girl" is the one that writes this page and surfaces once a week in DCS calls, but for the most part, it is the regular Kc that goes about the pressing on in life.

I am very glad to have been able to study here on the island because it is a great location for what I do and VJ's right - the seclusion allows for a more intense dedication and concentration, but "that girl" has to get home. I am very lucky and pleased about my great house and where I live, but "that girl" is definitely hung up on the lack of a bathtub, the sewage in the streets, the lack of hard cider .

Trust me I want to pull "that girl" out behind the house and beat her up too, but then again, sometimes, it is nice to let "that girl" have her way.

It is like a shameful weakness that I have that I want this grand romance, a sweeping love affair, one that sets sail ships and epic poems are written about - but really - what budding scientist can talk like that? That is almost like it would negate any serious work I have or will do.

Mleh.