Daydream Believer

Remember this?

"I have this vision, this dream, where he shows up here in DC, unexpectedly, a surprise. An apology, a flurry of "I love yous" and "what a fool I've been" and "Forgive me" and "thank goodness you have such strong love and faith and belief in us." Then a beautiful night out in the big city ending with a reproposal. Or an afternoon river trip to Mt Vernon and doing it there. Romance, adoration, commitment, respect, love. (sigh)I live in a parallel universe called "ideal" in my head."

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So I have been thinking about what would my ideal be for the situation of this weekend's visit.

(Yes, I am playing in the recess of my day dreams rather than slogging through the paranoia of dissecting what the nurse meant when I called the clinic for an appointment yesterday and she said to come in tomorrow (today) because the "girl who is better at that type of thing will be in tomorrow." Better at what? I told her about the bleeding at the beginning of last week and the spotting over the weekend. They either have a "let them down easy" or a "how to deal with hysterical (though I think I am rather calm about this) first timers" nurse specialty. Be calm, it is nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Everyone bleeds. Women bleed all the time. My mom bled the whole way through 4 pregnancies. Everyone on the internet bleeds too. The Dr. probably bled. Calm. Calm. Calm. Tranquilo.)

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So hence the preoccupation of living in my daydream world instead. It is a little lighter, nicer, rosier place in comparison to the hysteria I trap in my head (rather than let out so everyone can see how overwraught and unreasonable I am about this.)

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So fantasy world:

1. He will know that he needs to re-woo me. To court me again. To try to off set that huge betrayal, that hurt he caused. And he will do the necessary things, not just know them.
2. DCS prepares for DC visit by having flowers delivered with a warm, hopeful note saying how much he is looking forward to the visit.
3. DCS comes to visit me in DC (this is the only factual part of my fantasy world.)
4. Fantastic running into each others' arms at the meeting.
5. Him hugging and kissing me, crying that he has been a fool, apologizing, and asking to be back together.
6. Night of soft chatter and great sex.
7. A leisurely Saturday morning or more great sex and connecting communication.
8. Strolling through the National Gallery of Art or up to the Capitol or on a day cruise to Mt Vernon Saturday day.
9. Metro back to the condo together to shower and get gussied up for a swanky, swinging dinner in the district (ideas for great dinner places?)
10. At my metro stop he will impulsively buy a clutch of roses from the bucket rose guy to give me and ask me out to dinner (and pretend that we weren't already planning dining out!)
11. Magically (magically, because I don't want to carry a bag with a change of clothes) change from gussied up dinner clothes to jeans and a sweater and strolling shoes (because it will also be a perfectly cool, not sweltering evening) to stroll by the Jefferson Memorial and lounge beneath the Washington Memorial all lit up at night.
12. Then he will roll over off his back onto one knee and proclaim his love for me and re-propose in a charmingly romantic manner that will make for a perfect memory/story to tell and remember and place my grandmother's ring back on my left hand.
13. After the proposal when we are chatting excitedly about the future and our love again, he will ask me to move back to the country, and I will say yes.
14. He will ask me to move in with him into the swanky downtown apartment we found together, and I will say yes.
15. Then we will plan all the logistics of moving home, setting up a new home again together, laughing, loving, planning the wedding again.
16. Mind if I insert some more great sex here?
17. When he leaves (at 4 am to catch his 6 am flight) Sunday morning he will leave a beautiful, long, love letter on his pillow with one of the roses he has drawn out from the vase.

This is the daydream I have gathered around my arms and shoulders and have buried my face in, like a soft, old, well-loved blanket.